It’s Grand Final Weekend, the biggest sporting week of the nation!* So, this week’s Punwatch is an ALL SPORT STORY PUN edition!
The Consumption Posts
A bumper 5-story episode of Punwatch, with a down-to-the-wire result and an argument about the definition of biscuit we didn’t get back to.
In the season finale, Leonard Nimoy is a psychic race-car driver who has to a foil a fountain of youth/identify theft mystery in an old English mansion. What don’t you understand?
Another vintage episode of mX Punwatch, featuring guest comedian Travis Nash, an Alex-Ferris showdown, and a bunch of really, really dark stories.
William Shatner & Adam West star in the sort of 60s historical war epic your dad would’ve fallen asleep in front of on a Sunday afternoon.
A 1992 pilot based on a 1990 Sam Raimi movie based on horror film noir of the 1930s. Plus weird face stuff.
This week’s episode of Punwatch, featuring an actually kinda interesting discussion about when it’s ok to make puns about horrible things.
Based on the video game, this pilot ticked all your 90s cartoon boxes: bizarre catchphrases? Check! Poor animation? Check! BDSM pig monsters? Check!
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (98 Degrees) host an 70s-style revue with music, sketches, guests and some wacky surprises that surprise no-one.
Imagine if Lost had been made in the early 90s and featured way more exploding fruit and giant man-fish monsters. Welcome to Danger Island.
To help solve a break in at a laboratory, an old school, tough as nails cop gets teamed up with his new partner, a stuffy, by the books, clean cut young rookie. Who is also a robotic talking dog.
This week’s episode of Punwatch, the headline pun quiz show with guest Lisa Dib and gratuitous amounts of Adelaide sledging! (Sorry about that. Your river is very nice.)
CBS tried to convert the touching 1989 Oscar winner into a laugh-track sitcom. Even more boring than it sounds, except for, ah… this one bit.
Another episode of Punwatch, featuring the James Ferris Harry Brimage TAG TEAM!
*guitar solo, chair gets smashed over head*
Nick Swardson’s pilot about a Gay Robot who’s gay, and a robot. He says lots of gay stuff, ‘cause he’s a Gay Robot. Gay. Gay gay gay.
This is the worst thing we’ve ever seen.
The most controversial episode of Punwatch yet! (In terms of rules violations. The puns are as tame as usual.)
An early 90s attempt at “sexy vampires” for TV, except the sex was all incest-based. We can’t prove this show single-handedly delayed the genre by a decade, but I’d drop a tenner on it
Textbook 80s sitcom in which a former CIA agent juggles his new job, new wife, and wacky best friend/disgraced West-African dictator Colonel Ntsunge (okay, not quite textbook.)
A cop from the future travels to 1988 to wreck the future. Isn’t the bad guy. Time Travel has never been so much like a student art film.
It’s another episode of Punwatch, Australia’s second-favourite wordplay game (behind Burgo’s Catchphrase™).
Sean Bean is Eddie Prey, who is actually John Robson, who is in fact played by Brett Cullen. Look, you might wanna take notes on this one. It gets dense.
In the mid 1970s, CBS noticed that America was in love with famed motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel. That’s why decides to slap his name on this show, which features no actual Evel Knievel and very few stunts.
Melissa George teams up with some hip young Los Angelenos to catch a murderous psychopath, who is literally impaling people because he misses some ponies. Can the gang catch him with just a handi-cam and the power of free association? Yes. Yes they can.
Kevin Conroy (Voice of Batman) and his team have 48 hours to find a colleague lost in a future wasteland filled with murderous mutants. They’ll get to it at some point.
An unwilling donut store owner becomes the center of a love triangle for two creepy mechanics. Everybody sings about it. Poorly. Except for those who rap about it. Poorly.
1965’s Lost In Space gets rebooted for the 21st century. Somehow, Dad dragging his unwilling family across space because Dad Says So™ doesn’t quite work anymore.
A madman kills his own family (off screen) and then kills himself (off screen) by exploding into a volcano (off screen). From Robert Jordan’s expansive Wheel of Time Universe (Off screen). Has BILLY ZANE.
Two cops. One mad scientist. A shit ton of super sad monsters. And a thick layer of grease slopped all over all them.
David Hasselhoff plays the Marvel super spy in this 1998 pilot, delivering a performance that David Hasselhoff agreed (several times) was better than whoever’s doing it now.
An old 60s sci-fi gets remade for 2002 – now with more Nazis, bubonic plague and false rape allegations. Fun for the whole family.
Jesus fights demons (kind of), spreads love and doesn’t care if his friends die in modern-day Phoenix. Made on a budget of 1 potato.
A newspaper editor’s wife is replaced with a murderous robot. He kills it, along with several other female robots, but not before having sex with most of them. No one believes him.
Promises a giant, fire-breathing robot Tyrannosaurus. Delivers a Blade Runner ripoff about a man going mad with grief over the death of his child.
Mena Suvari investigates a virus spread via social media that infects 3 people, sort of. Entire town panics. Made in 2014(!).
Angels & demons fight for the souls of humans with boring conversations and free tequila shots. Wishes it was The Matrix.
Sherlock Holmes is unfrozen in mid-90s California to solve a bunch of tiger-based murders with nothing but the clothes on his back and a shitload of cocaine.
Painfully 90s teen X-Men come together to fight Jim Carrey’s version of Freddy Krueger (played by Matt Frewer).
Norman Bates’ best buddy from the asylum inherits the Bates Motel, and tries to get it running again. Utterly baffling from start to finish.
An out-of-work cop very, VERY luckily stumbles across/into a spy agency whose primary weapons are Nokia 3310s. Based on a Warren Ellis comic.
Dean Cain saves the world by betting Hawaii on a game of FutureSport, possibly the dumbest fictional sport ever created. Also stars Wesley Snipes as a “Jamaican”.
Rachael Leigh Cook is an FBI agent born without the gene for fear. Based on books from the author of Sweet Valley High. Surprisingly dull despite a scene with an attempted milk drowning (really).
Heather Graham plays a single self-help book editor, in a sitcom that was written either by or for 15 year olds (contains repetitive use of the phrase “that’s gay” and a poo joke).
Jensen Ackles (Supernatural, again) brings his brother’s ashes back to his family after stealing them from the funeral a year ago. It’s 7th Heaven, but serious to the point of being sillier than 7th Heaven.
Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) stars in a 2003 attempt to make MacGyver current and sexy! We think. It was hard to pay attention due to intense boring. Really needed a Richard Dean Anderson cameo.
The Osbournes who aren’t Ozzy drag Ozzy into a 50s style variety show. In 2006. An ill-conceived mess with a stunt that goes as badly as everyone should have expected.
George R. R. Martin creates Sliders about 3 years before Sliders, but forgets to make it any fun. At all. Stars Poochinski’s partner, Robert Knepper and Red from That 70’s Show.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper get fired from wrestling and become cops, with surprisingly charming results.
Peter Boyle is a detective. Then he dies, and his soul is trapped in a creepy puppet dog. Not as much fun as it sounds.
Billy Zane is an immortal bad guy turned good guy who trains knockoff-planeteers to fight other Billy Zanes in this Matrix-era piece of martial arts themed batshit insanity.
Two female detectives, who are secretly lovers, investigate an overly-horrific crime in New Orleans. Being fairly progressive for its time doesn’t save it from also being really bad.
A police department investigates crime in an alternate universe where magic has replaced science. A half-decent concept, let down by the most hilariously lazy/utterly insane execution we’ve ever seen.
Amy Adams replaces Sarah Michelle-Gellar in a prequel to Cruel Intentions, where everyone tries to fuck the underage main cast. Including their step-parents. It’s meant to be sexy (very much not.)
A Disney “TV Movie” about a boy and his invisible friend. Was probably supposed to be whimsical & fun. Instead, has a creepy puppet and about half an hour’s plot stretched over 90 minutes.
Two unemployed men disguise themselves (poorly) as women to get jobs, because women control the world since the GFC. Not an alternate universe. Horribly offensive in all the ways you’d think, plus a few extra.
The creators of Smallville gave Aquaman a go in 2006. It looks like 1996. Ving Rhames is in it. It’s real dumb.
Rodney Dangerfield (of No Respect fame) gives a 15 year old kid life advice. By life advice, we mean schtick about how dumb Rodney’s wife is/his alcoholism. We’re still worried about that kid.
David E Kelly brings us a borderline-psychotic Wonder Woman who, when not running a billion-dollar multinational corporation that only makes Wonder Woman dolls, kind of fights crime, but mostly fights the justice system.