The Consumption Posts

September 18, 2015 / Punwatch
September 17, 2015 / Failure To Launch
September 10, 2015 / Failure To Launch
September 3, 2015 / Failure To Launch
September 2, 2015 / Punwatch
August 27, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Based on the video game, this pilot ticked all your 90s cartoon boxes: bizarre catchphrases? Check! Poor animation? Check! BDSM pig monsters? Check!

August 21, 2015 / Punwatch
August 20, 2015 / Failure To Launch
August 13, 2015 / Failure To Launch
August 6, 2015 / Failure To Launch

To help solve a break in at a laboratory, an old school, tough as nails cop gets teamed up with his new partner, a stuffy, by the books, clean cut young rookie. Who is also a robotic talking dog.

August 4, 2015 / Punwatch
July 30, 2015 / Failure To Launch
July 29, 2015 / Punwatch
July 23, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Nick Swardson’s pilot about a Gay Robot who’s gay, and a robot. He says lots of gay stuff, ‘cause he’s a Gay Robot. Gay. Gay gay gay.

This is the worst thing we’ve ever seen.

July 21, 2015 / Punwatch
July 17, 2015 / Failure To Launch

An early 90s attempt at “sexy vampires” for TV, except the sex was all incest-based. We can’t prove this show single-handedly delayed the genre by a decade, but I’d drop a tenner on it

July 10, 2015 / Punwatch
July 9, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Textbook 80s sitcom in which a former CIA agent juggles his new job, new wife, and wacky best friend/disgraced West-African dictator Colonel Ntsunge (okay, not quite textbook.)

July 3, 2015 / Failure To Launch
July 2, 2015 / Punwatch
June 25, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Sean Bean is Eddie Prey, who is actually John Robson, who is in fact played by Brett Cullen. Look, you might wanna take notes on this one. It gets dense.

June 18, 2015 / Failure To Launch

In the mid 1970s, CBS noticed that America was in love with famed motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel. That’s why decides to slap his name on this show, which features no actual Evel Knievel and very few stunts.

June 12, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Melissa George teams up with some hip young Los Angelenos to catch a murderous psychopath, who is literally impaling people because he misses some ponies. Can the gang catch him with just a handi-cam and the power of free association? Yes. Yes they can.

June 5, 2015 / Failure To Launch
May 29, 2015 / Failure To Launch

Kevin Conroy (Voice of Batman) and his team have 48 hours to find a colleague lost in a future wasteland filled with murderous mutants. They’ll get to it at some point.

May 23, 2015 / Failure To Launch

An unwilling donut store owner becomes the center of a love triangle for two creepy mechanics. Everybody sings about it. Poorly. Except for those who rap about it. Poorly.

May 15, 2015 / Failure To Launch
May 8, 2015 / Failure To Launch
May 1, 2015 / Failure To Launch
April 24, 2015 / Failure To Launch
April 17, 2015 / Failure To Launch
April 10, 2015 / Failure To Launch
December 24, 2014 / Failure To Launch
December 19, 2014 / Failure To Launch

A newspaper editor’s wife is replaced with a murderous robot. He kills it, along with several other female robots, but not before having sex with most of them. No one believes him.

December 12, 2014 / Failure To Launch
December 5, 2014 / Failure To Launch
November 28, 2014 / Failure To Launch
November 21, 2014 / Failure To Launch
November 7, 2014 / Failure To Launch
October 31, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Norman Bates’ best buddy from the asylum inherits the Bates Motel, and tries to get it running again. Utterly baffling from start to finish.

October 23, 2014 / Failure To Launch
October 17, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Dean Cain saves the world by betting Hawaii on a game of FutureSport, possibly the dumbest fictional sport ever created. Also stars Wesley Snipes as a “Jamaican”.

October 10, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Rachael Leigh Cook is an FBI agent born without the gene for fear. Based on books from the author of Sweet Valley High. Surprisingly dull despite a scene with an attempted milk drowning (really).

October 3, 2014 / Failure To Launch
September 29, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Jensen Ackles (Supernatural, again) brings his brother’s ashes back to his family after stealing them from the funeral a year ago. It’s 7th Heaven, but serious to the point of being sillier than 7th Heaven.

September 19, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) stars in a 2003 attempt to make MacGyver current and sexy! We think. It was hard to pay attention due to intense boring. Really needed a Richard Dean Anderson cameo.

September 12, 2014 / Failure To Launch

The Osbournes who aren’t Ozzy drag Ozzy into a 50s style variety show. In 2006. An ill-conceived mess with a stunt that goes as badly as everyone should have expected.

September 5, 2014 / Failure To Launch

George R. R. Martin creates Sliders about 3 years before Sliders, but forgets to make it any fun. At all. Stars Poochinski’s partner, Robert Knepper and Red from That 70’s Show.

August 29, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Jesse “The Body” Ventura and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper get fired from wrestling and become cops, with surprisingly charming results.

August 22, 2014 / Failure To Launch
August 15, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Billy Zane is an immortal bad guy turned good guy who trains knockoff-planeteers to fight other Billy Zanes in this Matrix-era piece of martial arts themed batshit insanity.

August 8, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Two female detectives, who are secretly lovers, investigate an overly-horrific crime in New Orleans. Being fairly progressive for its time doesn’t save it from also being really bad.

August 1, 2014 / Failure To Launch

A police department investigates crime in an alternate universe where magic has replaced science. A half-decent concept, let down by the most hilariously lazy/utterly insane execution we’ve ever seen.

July 25, 2014 / Failure To Launch
July 18, 2014 / Failure To Launch

A Disney “TV Movie” about a boy and his invisible friend. Was probably supposed to be whimsical & fun. Instead, has a creepy puppet and about half an hour’s plot stretched over 90 minutes.

July 11, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Two unemployed men disguise themselves (poorly) as women to get jobs, because women control the world since the GFC. Not an alternate universe. Horribly offensive in all the ways you’d think, plus a few extra.

July 4, 2014 / Failure To Launch
June 27, 2014 / Failure To Launch

Rodney Dangerfield (of No Respect fame) gives a 15 year old kid life advice. By life advice, we mean schtick about how dumb Rodney’s wife is/his alcoholism. We’re still worried about that kid.

June 20, 2014 / Failure To Launch

David E Kelly brings us a borderline-psychotic Wonder Woman who, when not running a billion-dollar multinational corporation that only makes Wonder Woman dolls, kind of fights crime, but mostly fights the justice system.

September 11, 2013 / Other Shit