Posted Thursday, March 16th, 2017
Joe fights his ultimate nemesis – another B-movie actor with even 90s-er hair than Joe’s! Or he would fight him, if not for the constant explosions.
Posted Friday, February 3rd, 2017
Joe Lara fights a sleepy white supremacist during what isn’t a mutiny on a ship that isn’t called Starfire.
Posted Monday, January 16th, 2017
Joe Lara fights a cyborg with a bad moustache for the future of humanity, in a film that rips off Children of Men despite preceding it by 20 years.
Posted Tuesday, December 20th, 2016
BILLY ZANE turns not-great-spy Kim Cattrall into a robot after her not-great-spying gets her killed. She’s still not-great at spying, but at least she’s a robot.
Posted Tuesday, November 29th, 2016
In this week’s Failure to Launch we join the Mcallister clan as they dish up their famous homemade apple pie at the Midway Inn. On a space station. In the twenty second century. To aliens.
Posted Thursday, November 24th, 2016
This week’s Failure to Launch sees the return of a horse of course. Of course, if you’re making a show about a talking horse, of course that horse will be a family-friendly lovable horse, unless of course that horse is Mr. Ed.
Posted Tuesday, November 15th, 2016
F. Murray Abraham fires himself into a volcano and dies. Later, a group of generic arseholes do the same, but without the dying so it can be a TV show.
Posted Tuesday, November 8th, 2016
Jessica Simpson, beloved pop-star, struggles to launch her career in television by playing a beloved pop-star struggling to launch her career in television.
Posted Monday, October 31st, 2016
Anthony Strack is a horror novelist with writers block, a new wife, a dead wife, a creepy son, a deeply confusing housekeeper and a new daughter who needs the child protection services right fucking now. Seriously. Call them.
Posted Friday, October 28th, 2016
1970-era Dr. Strange battles Jessica Walters with Kung-Fu, lasers and the best afro/gold chains/porn ‘stache combo we’ve seen outside of World Series Cricket. Guest starring Michael Williams and Sarah Baggs!
Posted Tuesday, October 18th, 2016
Dad accidentally buys a circus, and won’t stop firing people & injuring his kids until he makes it work, damnit!
Posted Tuesday, October 11th, 2016
Cam Tyeson helps us examine a TV adaptation of the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie movie (without Pitt and Jolie, obvs) gets worse in a way you probably didn’t expect.
Posted Tuesday, October 4th, 2016
90s live action Justice League! Which means no Superman. Or Batman. Or Wonder Woman. Plus, it’s mostly about relationships. Also, David Krumholtz.
Posted Friday, September 23rd, 2016
Martin Dunlop joins us to ask: Hey you guys remember Sliders? Well apparently somebody at Fox apparently didn’t since they tried to make this shit in 2015.
Posted Friday, September 16th, 2016
Claire Sullivan guests on this week’s Failure to Launch, in which Elaine’s boss from Seinfeld hosts a talent show with b-list celebrities doing things they’re OK at.
Posted Friday, September 9th, 2016
Eternal teenagers Archie, Betty & Veronica are transformed into adults with ‘adult’ problems. Serious ‘adult’ problems.
Posted Friday, August 19th, 2016
Two cops. Ones a priest, the others a ghost. If you’ve ever heard a better pitch, it probably made it past the pilot stage.
Posted Friday, August 12th, 2016
Wil Wheaton and Rutger Hauer spice up Frankenstein with car chases and giant eyeballs. Contains traces of blackface.
Posted Friday, August 5th, 2016
Kevin Smith’s Clerks, adapted for TV. So, no swear words. Or sex jokes. Or charm.
Posted Friday, July 29th, 2016
A frozen cop wakes up in 2069 (nice) and plays Failure to Launch Cop Show Pilot Bingo – No Fun Edition™.
Posted Friday, July 22nd, 2016
Famke Janssen is a supermodel with a secret: she also beats up carjackers whilst wearing underwear and a StackHat. Also, boobs. Sexy?
Posted Friday, July 15th, 2016
Nic Cage and Crispin Glover star in an 80s teen variety sketch… thing? We think?
Posted Friday, January 22nd, 2016
Season 2 of Failure to Launch has tied up, so it’s time to crack out something to replace this week’s Punwatch the Best Of/Worst Of Wrap-up!
In Part One, Ferris, Lisa & Fabs run you though their personal best & worst season 2 pilots. Once again, just the ones they watched, in case you were wondering why Juiced or Gay Robot wasn’t everyone’s worst pilot.
Posted Thursday, September 24th, 2015
In the season finale, Leonard Nimoy is a psychic race-car driver who has to a foil a fountain of youth/identify theft mystery in an old English mansion. What don’t you understand?
Posted Thursday, September 17th, 2015
A hidden camera prank show starring…*sigh*…OJ Simpson. Sure, why not.
Posted Thursday, September 10th, 2015
William Shatner & Adam West star in the sort of 60s historical war epic your dad would’ve fallen asleep in front of on a Sunday afternoon.
Posted Thursday, September 3rd, 2015
A 1992 pilot based on a 1990 Sam Raimi movie based on horror film noir of the 1930s. Plus weird face stuff.
Posted Thursday, August 27th, 2015
Based on the video game, this pilot ticked all your 90s cartoon boxes: bizarre catchphrases? Check! Poor animation? Check! BDSM pig monsters? Check!
Posted Thursday, August 20th, 2015
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (98 Degrees) host an 70s-style revue with music, sketches, guests and some wacky surprises that surprise no-one.
Posted Thursday, August 13th, 2015
Imagine if Lost had been made in the early 90s and featured way more exploding fruit and giant man-fish monsters. Welcome to Danger Island.
Posted Thursday, August 6th, 2015
To help solve a break in at a laboratory, an old school, tough as nails cop gets teamed up with his new partner, a stuffy, by the books, clean cut young rookie. Who is also a robotic talking dog.
Posted Thursday, July 30th, 2015
CBS tried to convert the touching 1989 Oscar winner into a laugh-track sitcom. Even more boring than it sounds, except for, ah… this one bit.
Posted Thursday, July 23rd, 2015
Nick Swardson’s pilot about a Gay Robot who’s gay, and a robot. He says lots of gay stuff, ‘cause he’s a Gay Robot. Gay. Gay gay gay.
This is the worst thing we’ve ever seen.
Posted Friday, July 17th, 2015
An early 90s attempt at “sexy vampires” for TV, except the sex was all incest-based. We can’t prove this show single-handedly delayed the genre by a decade, but I’d drop a tenner on it
Posted Thursday, July 9th, 2015
Textbook 80s sitcom in which a former CIA agent juggles his new job, new wife, and wacky best friend/disgraced West-African dictator Colonel Ntsunge (okay, not quite textbook.)
Posted Friday, July 3rd, 2015
A cop from the future travels to 1988 to wreck the future. Isn’t the bad guy. Time Travel has never been so much like a student art film.
Posted Thursday, June 25th, 2015
Sean Bean is Eddie Prey, who is actually John Robson, who is in fact played by Brett Cullen. Look, you might wanna take notes on this one. It gets dense.
Posted Thursday, June 18th, 2015
In the mid 1970s, CBS noticed that America was in love with famed motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel. That’s why decides to slap his name on this show, which features no actual Evel Knievel and very few stunts.
Posted Friday, June 12th, 2015
Melissa George teams up with some hip young Los Angelenos to catch a murderous psychopath, who is literally impaling people because he misses some ponies. Can the gang catch him with just a handi-cam and the power of free association? Yes. Yes they can.
Posted Friday, June 5th, 2015
Grown men and women engage in very adult activities, mostly by acting like idiot teenagers.
Posted Friday, May 29th, 2015
Kevin Conroy (Voice of Batman) and his team have 48 hours to find a colleague lost in a future wasteland filled with murderous mutants. They’ll get to it at some point.
Posted Saturday, May 23rd, 2015
An unwilling donut store owner becomes the center of a love triangle for two creepy mechanics. Everybody sings about it. Poorly. Except for those who rap about it. Poorly.
Posted Friday, May 15th, 2015
1965’s Lost In Space gets rebooted for the 21st century. Somehow, Dad dragging his unwilling family across space because Dad Says So™ doesn’t quite work anymore.
Posted Friday, May 8th, 2015
A madman kills his own family (off screen) and then kills himself (off screen) by exploding into a volcano (off screen). From Robert Jordan’s expansive Wheel of Time Universe (Off screen). Has BILLY ZANE.
Posted Friday, May 1st, 2015
Two cops. One mad scientist. A shit ton of super sad monsters. And a thick layer of grease slopped all over all them.
Posted Friday, April 24th, 2015
David Hasselhoff plays the Marvel super spy in this 1998 pilot, delivering a performance that David Hasselhoff agreed (several times) was better than whoever’s doing it now.
Posted Friday, April 17th, 2015
An old 60s sci-fi gets remade for 2002 – now with more Nazis, bubonic plague and false rape allegations. Fun for the whole family.
Posted Friday, April 10th, 2015
It’s a Tarzan for the go-go 80s when the ape-man wages war on crime and pants in the Big Apple.
Posted Friday, January 16th, 2015
The Failure to Launch team run you though their personal best & worst pilots from Season 1.
Posted Wednesday, December 24th, 2014
Jesus fights demons (kind of), spreads love and doesn’t care if his friends die in modern-day Phoenix. Made on a budget of 1 potato.
Posted Friday, December 19th, 2014
A newspaper editor’s wife is replaced with a murderous robot. He kills it, along with several other female robots, but not before having sex with most of them. No one believes him.
Posted Friday, December 12th, 2014
Promises a giant, fire-breathing robot Tyrannosaurus. Delivers a Blade Runner ripoff about a man going mad with grief over the death of his child.
Posted Friday, December 5th, 2014
Mena Suvari investigates a virus spread via social media that infects 3 people, sort of. Entire town panics. Made in 2014(!).
Posted Friday, November 28th, 2014
Angels & demons fight for the souls of humans with boring conversations and free tequila shots. Wishes it was The Matrix.
Posted Friday, November 21st, 2014
Sherlock Holmes is unfrozen in mid-90s California to solve a bunch of tiger-based murders with nothing but the clothes on his back and a shitload of cocaine.
Posted Friday, November 7th, 2014
Painfully 90s teen X-Men come together to fight Jim Carrey’s version of Freddy Krueger (played by Matt Frewer).
Posted Friday, October 31st, 2014
Norman Bates’ best buddy from the asylum inherits the Bates Motel, and tries to get it running again. Utterly baffling from start to finish.
Posted Thursday, October 23rd, 2014
An out-of-work cop very, VERY luckily stumbles across/into a spy agency whose primary weapons are Nokia 3310s. Based on a Warren Ellis comic.
Posted Friday, October 17th, 2014
Dean Cain saves the world by betting Hawaii on a game of FutureSport, possibly the dumbest fictional sport ever created. Also stars Wesley Snipes as a “Jamaican”.
Posted Friday, October 10th, 2014
Rachael Leigh Cook is an FBI agent born without the gene for fear. Based on books from the author of Sweet Valley High. Surprisingly dull despite a scene with an attempted milk drowning (really).
Posted Friday, October 3rd, 2014
Heather Graham plays a single self-help book editor, in a sitcom that was written either by or for 15 year olds (contains repetitive use of the phrase “that’s gay” and a poo joke).
Posted Monday, September 29th, 2014
Jensen Ackles (Supernatural, again) brings his brother’s ashes back to his family after stealing them from the funeral a year ago. It’s 7th Heaven, but serious to the point of being sillier than 7th Heaven.
Posted Friday, September 19th, 2014
Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) stars in a 2003 attempt to make MacGyver current and sexy! We think. It was hard to pay attention due to intense boring. Really needed a Richard Dean Anderson cameo.
Posted Friday, September 12th, 2014
The Osbournes who aren’t Ozzy drag Ozzy into a 50s style variety show. In 2006. An ill-conceived mess with a stunt that goes as badly as everyone should have expected.
Posted Friday, September 5th, 2014
George R. R. Martin creates Sliders about 3 years before Sliders, but forgets to make it any fun. At all. Stars Poochinski’s partner, Robert Knepper and Red from That 70’s Show.
Posted Friday, August 29th, 2014
Jesse “The Body” Ventura and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper get fired from wrestling and become cops, with surprisingly charming results.
Posted Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Peter Boyle is a detective. Then he dies, and his soul is trapped in a creepy puppet dog. Not as much fun as it sounds.
Posted Friday, August 15th, 2014
Billy Zane is an immortal bad guy turned good guy who trains knockoff-planeteers to fight other Billy Zanes in this Matrix-era piece of martial arts themed batshit insanity.
Posted Friday, August 8th, 2014
Two female detectives, who are secretly lovers, investigate an overly-horrific crime in New Orleans. Being fairly progressive for its time doesn’t save it from also being really bad.
Posted Friday, August 1st, 2014
A police department investigates crime in an alternate universe where magic has replaced science. A half-decent concept, let down by the most hilariously lazy/utterly insane execution we’ve ever seen.
Posted Friday, July 25th, 2014
Amy Adams replaces Sarah Michelle-Gellar in a prequel to Cruel Intentions, where everyone tries to fuck the underage main cast. Including their step-parents. It’s meant to be sexy (very much not.)
Posted Friday, July 18th, 2014
A Disney “TV Movie” about a boy and his invisible friend. Was probably supposed to be whimsical & fun. Instead, has a creepy puppet and about half an hour’s plot stretched over 90 minutes.
Posted Friday, July 11th, 2014
Two unemployed men disguise themselves (poorly) as women to get jobs, because women control the world since the GFC. Not an alternate universe. Horribly offensive in all the ways you’d think, plus a few extra.
Posted Friday, July 4th, 2014
The creators of Smallville gave Aquaman a go in 2006. It looks like 1996. Ving Rhames is in it. It’s real dumb.
Posted Friday, June 27th, 2014
Rodney Dangerfield (of No Respect fame) gives a 15 year old kid life advice. By life advice, we mean schtick about how dumb Rodney’s wife is/his alcoholism. We’re still worried about that kid.
Posted Friday, June 20th, 2014
David E Kelly brings us a borderline-psychotic Wonder Woman who, when not running a billion-dollar multinational corporation that only makes Wonder Woman dolls, kind of fights crime, but mostly fights the justice system.